Thanks for your help, NOT

So this is how I cut my hair. I decided to go with thick bangs and keep it long. This is the lovely Lou Lou Calhoun and I celebrating Christmas. We got festive this year (for once). Hope you all had a warm and fuzzy Holiday.

Right now, Lou Lou and I are sunning in LA. Pass the sun screen, please!

Until 2009,
xxj + llc

Pirates Are Awesome, an Update

Just to let you all know, our dear friends, the Somali Pirates have had a pretty good year. Despite an international economic meltown, the pirates are making boatloads of cash, not credit and are making it rain with benjamins in da clubs of Boosasso, Somalia. According to the International Maritime Bureau 42 ships have been hijacked and Somali pirates have pocketed $30 million in ransoms.

Not bad!

"Is there any Somali who can earn a million dollars for any business? We get millions of dollars easily for one attack," Jama, who described himself as a high-ranking member of a group based in Eyl, has earned $375,000 as a pirate, enough to buy a Toyota Land Cruiser and to begin building a six-bedroom house in Garowe, the regional capital, for his family.

His biggest payday came last month, when he earned a $92,000 share of a $1.3 million ransom for a Greek ship, the MV Centauri, which was released after 10 weeks with its crew unharmed.

Almost overnight, Jama said, his standing with the fairer sex has improved dramatically.

Seriously now, quit your jobs and become a pirate, it is the only sector within our economy expecting growth in the first quarter of '09.

Holiday Special

Since October there has been a steady flow of butter and sugar* being injected into my blood flow via all imaginable forms of baked goods. I can only imagine that this will continue until after the New Year. Avoiding the morsels of goodness constantly toying with my fragile mind in order to remain svelte is a barbaric form of torture created by fashion editors and models (those bitches!). In lieu of self discipline, here are a number of ways to have your cake and eat it too with cookies and ice cream on top, and eat as much as you fucking want.

10 ways to look good over the Ho-lidays despite your newly developed 10 pound champagne-rum ball-canapé puffiness.

# 10 Conceal your FUPA by nonchalantly standing behind a large plant (poinsettia's bring extra points for the festive nature.)

#9 Convince little cousins to sit on your lap, making you look nice and hiding your ample frame

# 8 Wear a Mumu with a Menorah on it-vertical lines are slimming

#7 Suck in cheeks for all family photos and throw your own gang sign, people will be all WTF confused

#6 Wear obscene amounts of bright eye makeup to distract people from what's going on below

#5 Wear a scrunchy in your hair, bonus points for tye die. Crimp hair and put it on top of your head like a chia pet. NO ONE will notice that extra greasy muffin on top of your jeans.

# 4 Avoid close ups, everything looks better a little blurry

# 3 Three Words, Push Up Bra. Two and a Half More, Deep V-Neck.

# 2 Get your sister even fatter, so you'll look smaller by comparison

# 1 Get some exercise you fat ass, hook up with anybody, if you are stuck with family, remember 3rd cousin is legit, 2nd is suspect and 1st is plain disgusting

Now down some eggnog and baileys** and let the holidays begin.

* Pizza Parties

** Pizza

Self Promotion

http://www.elleuk.com/starstyle/news/(article)/Tribal-chic-the-next-season-trend-to-wear-now

I'm so on it... http://www.madisonandwoodward.etsy.com/

More to come, not completely set up yet.

Hair Dilemma

"I wish boys thought about anything as much as I think about my hair" I mused over the weekend. It's true, I've been so consumed by my appointment for a hair cut on Saturday that I haven't been able to blog all week. I'm conflicted dear T//T readers, I don't know how I want to cut it! Here are some ideas, please comment madly and help me out of this indecision.

Yours Truly,
Jessica

Look 1: Sleek, Sophisticated Marketing Bitch a la Gwyneth Paltrow, except with longer layers (past my shoulders) and some face fringe-which will result from growing my bangs out to accomodate this look.
























Look 2: Simple, Classic, Blond Bombshell a la Naomi Watts, very light, very natural. A tad boring? She just looks so effortless and gorgeous all the time.























Look 3: Downtown Party Girls, with long long hair and sexy bangs, died super blond (which is closest to how my hair is now, thank you very much).





Let me know what you think dear readers, I'm counting on you!

Grosse

I usually try to refrain from just straight-up hating on the idiots that magazines these days find interesting because the editors are so far removed from reality they have no idea what’s actually cool (ahem, NYLON) … but….

If these people aren’t the most obnoxious fuck-wits in the world, then I’m throwing in the towel and moving to Iowa.

It must stop!!

You Crazy Cats

So my friend is thinking of getting one of these... what do you think?

I just think the chicken could get messy?

http://www.hemmy.net/2007/10/21/extreme-pets-fishing-cat/

Today is So Crazy Today

Seriously, insane and kinda fucked up. The least you can do is turn off your internet, take a break from your digital addiction and go look outside at this, its kinda the reason for it all.

Thanks Nature, not (but usually so).

Sincerely,
Today//Today

Inspiring Brunettes with Bangs for 50 Some Years

R.I.P

Inspiration to hipsterettes the world over, Bettie Page passed away today at age 85. Making curves the cats meow for over 50 years, she leaves her mark on the minds of men and ladies alike.

Style Perspiration

This outfit gives me cold sweats, no bueno Aggy Deyn.

More Style Inspiration: Paris is Burning

Some days you wake up feeling like the world is against you. The systems in place are like steel walls around the shining tiara of your dreams. On days like this, look to the Ladies of the 1980’s Harlem Ball scene to return the pep to your step. Pepper LaBeija, Miss Dorian Corey, Anji Xtravaganza… these ladies had everything going against them (gay, black, poor, born male) and yet they Vogued better than Iman and with more spunk than Aggy Deyn. Instead of letting their situations get them down they put on their best stolen Chanel or home made tulle skirts, dripping in sequins, and said look at me world I’m fabulous.

To see it all in full effect watch Paris is Burning, the 1990 documentary by Jennie Livingston

Style Inspiration: Pam Anderson

You know when you have those days when are getting dressed in the half dark haze of a 40oz buzz and the look you hope to achieve for the day is something comfortable (no pants) and sexy (no pants), where all of the pieces multiply to something that in your head, you deem brilliant?

If that be the case, enter muse Pamela Anderson, queen of the shit show. Klassy Pam wore this over the weekend at Art Basel Miami Beach. Sexy, refined, kaleidescopic.

To me, Pam has this Bardot-like je ne sais quoi about her, which I became alerted to after seeing the photos of her wedding to rock legend Kid Rock in St. Tropez. Here is a piece of trailer park gold for your Monday, let the good times roll.

Till Death do Us Part (or till we sober up)

Ships Ahoy

The look of love

What Pamela offers for inspiration is that it doesn't matter what you wear or what people think, as long as you are hot. Seriously, that's all.

When I'm Old

I want to dress like this

Directions to cafe Grumpy from Bedford L

1 min walk
Start out going East on Bedford Ave towards N 7th St
Take the B61 Bus from Bedford Av and N 7 St station heading to Queens Plaza, Queens


Pass Bedford Av and N 9 St
1.2

Pass Bedford Av and N 11 St
1.2

Pass Bedford Av and Lorimer St
1.6

Pass Bedford Av and Manhattan Av
1.1

Pass Manhattan Av and Norman Av
1.2

Get off at Manhattan Av and Meserole Av

1.2

5 min walk
Start out going East on Meserole Ave towards Leonard St

Total travel
0.96 miles
21 mins

<3>

Craft Fair

Come and check out my goods!

Simply Lovely

Last night in a dream
Argentine landscapes flourished
growing from my feet

Illustrations by Ana Laura Perez

Schwing

Thanks Sartorialist

I'm Dreaming...

Christmas is coming and with all this recession talk I am trying to delight in the little things that surround us versus all the material things that bombard us. Here are some sundry pleasures for the winter season. Surround yourself with these and be merry!

Red Berries in a Glass Vase

Advent Calendars

Pomegranate Seeds with Caramelized Goat Cheese http://gardenofeatingblog.blogspot.com/2007/10/pomegranate-seeds-in-salads.html

Bright white sheets

Cappuccinos

Flannel Nighties

Pre de Provence Soap in Linden

Excuse Me, I'm Uncomfortable

This makes me very uncomfortable.

French Style

Lagerfiled Confidential by Rodolphe Marconi shows a very intimate look at the life and philosophy of the visionary French designer of Chanel. It is beautifully shot and like anything Karl Lagerfiled touches… pure gold.

oh also...

http://www.thefilter.com/Music/Jonathan-Richman/Surrender-To-Jonathan/5562811-French-Style

just to wet your lips....(I couldn't find the whole song online)

What's My Type

Jesus Christ, From France
An Electric Savior
Long Haired and Grizzly

Sebastian Tellier - Divine



Directed by young Ace Norton, no less. Thanks Yoram for playing this at your Friday night dance party, xx

We're Stuffed

Dear Friends and Readers of T//T--

Happy Post-Thanksgiving, hoping that you all ate some delicious food and spent a moment yesterday reflecting on how lucky we are. Despite the recent economic slaughter, there is much to be thankful for.

Here is what I gave thanks for (besides the obvious family, friends, health standards):

1. Lou Lou Calhoun, who is finally mellowing out and has a new friend, one Ms. Bruno Bones

2. 20% of all sale items at La Garconne (swoon) + other awesome sales on expensive clothes

3.Floral leggings stolen from my 80's closet, which have already induced the stink eye by my family

4. Need I even say it, Barack Obama . Here is hoping the Obama's pick a Chihuahua for their White House pet. Also, here is hoping he shuts it down as a president


Champagne dreams in 2009!

Don't feel bad for them

It happened last year around this time. I woke up early one morning so that I could buy some coffee before I went to work. I decided to drive down the street to Starbucks, because I really wanted to make the coffee at home and have some leisurely moments before work. I parked the car on the corner of Beacon Street. I got out of the car and headed into Starbucks, and there was a Turkey walking down the sidewalk. In that part of Boston there are a lot of wild turkeys that roam around in the Fall and so I wasn’t that surprised. I was in a silly mood and so I nodded to the Turkey, saying to myself “hey, what ya doin’ here turkey,” but he just stared back at me blankly and I went into Starbucks.

On my way out of the coffee shop the Turkey was still there almost like he was waiting for me to settle the score, almost as if he had heard me. I nodded politely and I started back to the car, but this Turkey wasn’t having any of it! He started walking swiftly up to my side stretching his long skinny legs. I became a little nervous and started walking faster but the Turkey was right on my tail. At the corner I was only about 10 feet from the car, so I started to run. This was my big mistake-that Turkey had long ass legs and he was right there with me and his gobbling was becoming frantic and menacing. Once I reached the car I realized I couldn’t stop or he was gonna get me and peck me to death so, I decided I would outsmart him. He was a Turkey after all. So, I ran a circle around the car, but he was smart and fast and he ran right after me. I did about three laps but he wasn’t giving up. I stopped and faced him and we eyed each other up and down. He was tall and his feathers were ruffled.

I only had a few moments to think and so I decided maybe he wanted my coffee, I threw the pound of coffee grinds at him and it hit with a thud. He just gave it a little peck but he wasn’t interested in coffee, he was interested in me. I was fucked and there was no one around to help me. I was cornered by the Turkey. I started to run around the car again, three more laps and still the Turkey didn’t falter. On the fourth lap I decided that I would run around from the front until I got to the door, open it as fast as possible, and hopefully I could block him with it as I jumped in. If this plan failed my life could end right here in a terrible turkey battle. I ran, grabbed the handle, swung open the door, and smoothly jumped into the driver’s seat. PHEW! A sigh of relief. The Turkey stared in through the window at me and pecked at my tires and window but I was safe at last. However, I still did not have the pound of coffee which this entire trip had been intended for. Luckily, the coffee was in close reach on the passenger side of the car, so I opened the door and reached my arm out cautiously to grab my coffee off the ground. With my coffee safely returned to me and my doors locked, I sat back in the driver’s seat and started laughing. I just got in a full on brawl with a fucking turkey.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

In case you needed convincing...

One of our dearly beloved and devoted readers tipped me off to this article (Thanks Claire!). In case you happen to be from Brookline, or your hometown has an equally idiotic tradition, and you were thinking that maybe-just maybe-a yearly reunion could possibly end anything close to good, read on. If you already knew this would only conjure up bad memories of the Horrible Person you or others once were, then rest assured that you were correct in your beliefs.

P.S. don't google image search Dude Bra at work...

MONDAY MONDAY

I bet this guy never hits the snooze button.

"I taste everything - fudge, nougat, Turkish delight - everything, I have 16 boxes of chocolates right next to me now - it is a temptation to keep eating them." -Darren Williams

Um…WHOA. If you don’t like your job maybe this is what you should aspire to be. This guy is basically the modern day Willy Wonka. What grad schools offer this kind of program?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7656288.stm

Never Gonna Give You Up

Bust a gut.

The Epic Videos of Vampire Weekend

Although I'm not a Vampire Weekend kinda ho, their music videos make me want to quit my day job and head back to film school, take my clothes off and run around nekkid in Cape Cod or in a Wes Andersonian gray field. Actually, their videos mainly make me want to become a well dressed Ivy League sartorial shark and a dude... weird!


Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa


Oxford Comma

Galab wanaagsan

If you’re hoping to snag a pirate boyfriend chances are in this day and age Somalia might be the best place for you to go. Or worst, depending on how you look at it.

You can expect some smooth talkers but that may come with a price (scan to bottom of linked page)

Obviously you’ll want to know a little about the culture you’re hoping to become a part of. Music and literature are a good place to start, cause you’re new Pirate boyfriend ain’t gonna want no American floozy with a head full of Britney and US Weekly.

Here’s some good pick up lines , but don’t try shaking any hands with boys or you’ll look like a slut!
Assalam Alaikum (Peace be upon you)
Nabad miyaa (is their peace)
Subah wanaagsan (Good morning)
Galab wanaagsan (Good afternoon)
Habeeb wanaagsan (Good night)