Thanks for your help, NOT

So this is how I cut my hair. I decided to go with thick bangs and keep it long. This is the lovely Lou Lou Calhoun and I celebrating Christmas. We got festive this year (for once). Hope you all had a warm and fuzzy Holiday.

Right now, Lou Lou and I are sunning in LA. Pass the sun screen, please!

Until 2009,
xxj + llc

Pirates Are Awesome, an Update

Just to let you all know, our dear friends, the Somali Pirates have had a pretty good year. Despite an international economic meltown, the pirates are making boatloads of cash, not credit and are making it rain with benjamins in da clubs of Boosasso, Somalia. According to the International Maritime Bureau 42 ships have been hijacked and Somali pirates have pocketed $30 million in ransoms.

Not bad!

"Is there any Somali who can earn a million dollars for any business? We get millions of dollars easily for one attack," Jama, who described himself as a high-ranking member of a group based in Eyl, has earned $375,000 as a pirate, enough to buy a Toyota Land Cruiser and to begin building a six-bedroom house in Garowe, the regional capital, for his family.

His biggest payday came last month, when he earned a $92,000 share of a $1.3 million ransom for a Greek ship, the MV Centauri, which was released after 10 weeks with its crew unharmed.

Almost overnight, Jama said, his standing with the fairer sex has improved dramatically.

Seriously now, quit your jobs and become a pirate, it is the only sector within our economy expecting growth in the first quarter of '09.

Holiday Special

Since October there has been a steady flow of butter and sugar* being injected into my blood flow via all imaginable forms of baked goods. I can only imagine that this will continue until after the New Year. Avoiding the morsels of goodness constantly toying with my fragile mind in order to remain svelte is a barbaric form of torture created by fashion editors and models (those bitches!). In lieu of self discipline, here are a number of ways to have your cake and eat it too with cookies and ice cream on top, and eat as much as you fucking want.

10 ways to look good over the Ho-lidays despite your newly developed 10 pound champagne-rum ball-canapé puffiness.

# 10 Conceal your FUPA by nonchalantly standing behind a large plant (poinsettia's bring extra points for the festive nature.)

#9 Convince little cousins to sit on your lap, making you look nice and hiding your ample frame

# 8 Wear a Mumu with a Menorah on it-vertical lines are slimming

#7 Suck in cheeks for all family photos and throw your own gang sign, people will be all WTF confused

#6 Wear obscene amounts of bright eye makeup to distract people from what's going on below

#5 Wear a scrunchy in your hair, bonus points for tye die. Crimp hair and put it on top of your head like a chia pet. NO ONE will notice that extra greasy muffin on top of your jeans.

# 4 Avoid close ups, everything looks better a little blurry

# 3 Three Words, Push Up Bra. Two and a Half More, Deep V-Neck.

# 2 Get your sister even fatter, so you'll look smaller by comparison

# 1 Get some exercise you fat ass, hook up with anybody, if you are stuck with family, remember 3rd cousin is legit, 2nd is suspect and 1st is plain disgusting

Now down some eggnog and baileys** and let the holidays begin.

* Pizza Parties

** Pizza

Self Promotion

http://www.elleuk.com/starstyle/news/(article)/Tribal-chic-the-next-season-trend-to-wear-now

I'm so on it... http://www.madisonandwoodward.etsy.com/

More to come, not completely set up yet.

Hair Dilemma

"I wish boys thought about anything as much as I think about my hair" I mused over the weekend. It's true, I've been so consumed by my appointment for a hair cut on Saturday that I haven't been able to blog all week. I'm conflicted dear T//T readers, I don't know how I want to cut it! Here are some ideas, please comment madly and help me out of this indecision.

Yours Truly,
Jessica

Look 1: Sleek, Sophisticated Marketing Bitch a la Gwyneth Paltrow, except with longer layers (past my shoulders) and some face fringe-which will result from growing my bangs out to accomodate this look.
























Look 2: Simple, Classic, Blond Bombshell a la Naomi Watts, very light, very natural. A tad boring? She just looks so effortless and gorgeous all the time.























Look 3: Downtown Party Girls, with long long hair and sexy bangs, died super blond (which is closest to how my hair is now, thank you very much).





Let me know what you think dear readers, I'm counting on you!

Grosse

I usually try to refrain from just straight-up hating on the idiots that magazines these days find interesting because the editors are so far removed from reality they have no idea what’s actually cool (ahem, NYLON) … but….

If these people aren’t the most obnoxious fuck-wits in the world, then I’m throwing in the towel and moving to Iowa.

It must stop!!

You Crazy Cats

So my friend is thinking of getting one of these... what do you think?

I just think the chicken could get messy?

http://www.hemmy.net/2007/10/21/extreme-pets-fishing-cat/

Today is So Crazy Today

Seriously, insane and kinda fucked up. The least you can do is turn off your internet, take a break from your digital addiction and go look outside at this, its kinda the reason for it all.

Thanks Nature, not (but usually so).

Sincerely,
Today//Today

Inspiring Brunettes with Bangs for 50 Some Years

R.I.P

Inspiration to hipsterettes the world over, Bettie Page passed away today at age 85. Making curves the cats meow for over 50 years, she leaves her mark on the minds of men and ladies alike.

Style Perspiration

This outfit gives me cold sweats, no bueno Aggy Deyn.

More Style Inspiration: Paris is Burning

Some days you wake up feeling like the world is against you. The systems in place are like steel walls around the shining tiara of your dreams. On days like this, look to the Ladies of the 1980’s Harlem Ball scene to return the pep to your step. Pepper LaBeija, Miss Dorian Corey, Anji Xtravaganza… these ladies had everything going against them (gay, black, poor, born male) and yet they Vogued better than Iman and with more spunk than Aggy Deyn. Instead of letting their situations get them down they put on their best stolen Chanel or home made tulle skirts, dripping in sequins, and said look at me world I’m fabulous.

To see it all in full effect watch Paris is Burning, the 1990 documentary by Jennie Livingston

Style Inspiration: Pam Anderson

You know when you have those days when are getting dressed in the half dark haze of a 40oz buzz and the look you hope to achieve for the day is something comfortable (no pants) and sexy (no pants), where all of the pieces multiply to something that in your head, you deem brilliant?

If that be the case, enter muse Pamela Anderson, queen of the shit show. Klassy Pam wore this over the weekend at Art Basel Miami Beach. Sexy, refined, kaleidescopic.

To me, Pam has this Bardot-like je ne sais quoi about her, which I became alerted to after seeing the photos of her wedding to rock legend Kid Rock in St. Tropez. Here is a piece of trailer park gold for your Monday, let the good times roll.

Till Death do Us Part (or till we sober up)

Ships Ahoy

The look of love

What Pamela offers for inspiration is that it doesn't matter what you wear or what people think, as long as you are hot. Seriously, that's all.

When I'm Old

I want to dress like this

Directions to cafe Grumpy from Bedford L

1 min walk
Start out going East on Bedford Ave towards N 7th St
Take the B61 Bus from Bedford Av and N 7 St station heading to Queens Plaza, Queens


Pass Bedford Av and N 9 St
1.2

Pass Bedford Av and N 11 St
1.2

Pass Bedford Av and Lorimer St
1.6

Pass Bedford Av and Manhattan Av
1.1

Pass Manhattan Av and Norman Av
1.2

Get off at Manhattan Av and Meserole Av

1.2

5 min walk
Start out going East on Meserole Ave towards Leonard St

Total travel
0.96 miles
21 mins

<3>

Craft Fair

Come and check out my goods!

Simply Lovely

Last night in a dream
Argentine landscapes flourished
growing from my feet

Illustrations by Ana Laura Perez

Schwing

Thanks Sartorialist

I'm Dreaming...

Christmas is coming and with all this recession talk I am trying to delight in the little things that surround us versus all the material things that bombard us. Here are some sundry pleasures for the winter season. Surround yourself with these and be merry!

Red Berries in a Glass Vase

Advent Calendars

Pomegranate Seeds with Caramelized Goat Cheese http://gardenofeatingblog.blogspot.com/2007/10/pomegranate-seeds-in-salads.html

Bright white sheets

Cappuccinos

Flannel Nighties

Pre de Provence Soap in Linden

Excuse Me, I'm Uncomfortable

This makes me very uncomfortable.

French Style

Lagerfiled Confidential by Rodolphe Marconi shows a very intimate look at the life and philosophy of the visionary French designer of Chanel. It is beautifully shot and like anything Karl Lagerfiled touches… pure gold.

oh also...

http://www.thefilter.com/Music/Jonathan-Richman/Surrender-To-Jonathan/5562811-French-Style

just to wet your lips....(I couldn't find the whole song online)

What's My Type

Jesus Christ, From France
An Electric Savior
Long Haired and Grizzly

Sebastian Tellier - Divine



Directed by young Ace Norton, no less. Thanks Yoram for playing this at your Friday night dance party, xx