Don't feel bad for them

It happened last year around this time. I woke up early one morning so that I could buy some coffee before I went to work. I decided to drive down the street to Starbucks, because I really wanted to make the coffee at home and have some leisurely moments before work. I parked the car on the corner of Beacon Street. I got out of the car and headed into Starbucks, and there was a Turkey walking down the sidewalk. In that part of Boston there are a lot of wild turkeys that roam around in the Fall and so I wasn’t that surprised. I was in a silly mood and so I nodded to the Turkey, saying to myself “hey, what ya doin’ here turkey,” but he just stared back at me blankly and I went into Starbucks.

On my way out of the coffee shop the Turkey was still there almost like he was waiting for me to settle the score, almost as if he had heard me. I nodded politely and I started back to the car, but this Turkey wasn’t having any of it! He started walking swiftly up to my side stretching his long skinny legs. I became a little nervous and started walking faster but the Turkey was right on my tail. At the corner I was only about 10 feet from the car, so I started to run. This was my big mistake-that Turkey had long ass legs and he was right there with me and his gobbling was becoming frantic and menacing. Once I reached the car I realized I couldn’t stop or he was gonna get me and peck me to death so, I decided I would outsmart him. He was a Turkey after all. So, I ran a circle around the car, but he was smart and fast and he ran right after me. I did about three laps but he wasn’t giving up. I stopped and faced him and we eyed each other up and down. He was tall and his feathers were ruffled.

I only had a few moments to think and so I decided maybe he wanted my coffee, I threw the pound of coffee grinds at him and it hit with a thud. He just gave it a little peck but he wasn’t interested in coffee, he was interested in me. I was fucked and there was no one around to help me. I was cornered by the Turkey. I started to run around the car again, three more laps and still the Turkey didn’t falter. On the fourth lap I decided that I would run around from the front until I got to the door, open it as fast as possible, and hopefully I could block him with it as I jumped in. If this plan failed my life could end right here in a terrible turkey battle. I ran, grabbed the handle, swung open the door, and smoothly jumped into the driver’s seat. PHEW! A sigh of relief. The Turkey stared in through the window at me and pecked at my tires and window but I was safe at last. However, I still did not have the pound of coffee which this entire trip had been intended for. Luckily, the coffee was in close reach on the passenger side of the car, so I opened the door and reached my arm out cautiously to grab my coffee off the ground. With my coffee safely returned to me and my doors locked, I sat back in the driver’s seat and started laughing. I just got in a full on brawl with a fucking turkey.


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